In 2007 I was living in Marin Country California, had a thriving practice as a seminar leader and conference presenter across the USA and abroad. My books on SkyDancing Tantra and the Art of Sexual Ecstasy, of Magic and of Meditation had sold a million copies worldwide. Yet my soul was not happy.
I had learned during the practice of Zen meditation with Adyashanti, to listen to the small still voice within, as the discrete voice of truth, whispering guidance that the mind and the ego often overlook, mostly because this inner voice wasn’t LOUD enough to make itself heard through the daily, mental cacophony of conflicting thoughts.
This gentle, inner voice kept whispering : »Leave this place. Your soul is not happy here….. what is happening here is no longer congruent with your heart’s values…. You know this. Don’t compromise. Go ! »
It took me 8 months to say goodbye to a great staff, close down two offices , sell furniture, go through 80 boxes of file folders. Pay off my debts. Put my belongings in storage or on a cargo container bound to Asia. And take off with two suitcases to land in Bali.
I wanted to find out « who is inside » beyond the teacher persona, beyond the labels, the striving to publish books and be heard, the ambition to succeed in the marketplace. I wanted to feel how it would be to be nobody « special ». I embarked on a new lifestyle in a country where I did not speak the language, had no relationship, boyfriend, job, self-definition. I wanted to open the door to…. A BlankSlate.
How amazing to wake up in the morning and have no endless « to do list » , no stress about conferences to deliver, people to enchant or convince, businesses to run… How miraculous to just be. Among smiling people who welcomed you amidst an endless area of celebrations, blessings and sacred ceremonies in beautiful natural places.
Next came the phobia of having been « a public figure ». People were using and abusing my name on public internet highways. I found my name many times listed with false photos on Face book, whilst I had never put myself there. I found my name listed on Wikipedia, through someone else’s text (who put it there ? I still don’t know). This « Margot Anand » did not belong to herself anymore. I fought this as best I could. But I refused to spend my life glued to a computer.
I remember the three days I spent, two year ago, with the late Jose Arguelles, master and mystic of the Mayan teachings and Stephanie, his companion, on Jasi beach in Bali. He spoke of the « technosphere trance » created by such things as the Internet highway, the video games, the television and YOUtubes, Facebooks, etc…He said how this « vibe » got us hooked to « information » and how we were mistaking « information sharing » for a false form of awakening. He explained that, according to him, in the endgame of Dec. 2012, we would go through an earth shattering transformation that would force us to live « close to the land » and without depending on the technosphere. Imagine that. Drinking from your well, growing and feeding from your garden…. Transporting yourself on a bike or a boat, or a horse…. And no phone, no satellite, no internet… Waw !!!! Are we ready ? Is that the next « jump » into the famed « fourth dimension » ? In view of all this allure, I rejected going public on the internet. But it was too late. I was already there being quoted and presented in more than 100 websites. Ah well…..I just dropped it.
After all this time in Bali, I feel I have reconnected with the most wonderful « ease of being ». And re-appearing as « the new me/us » on the internet highway via this blog and other ways feels like fun. Most importantly, I am exploring all the other aspects of Tantra that are beyond what I taught so far. I am exploring the nature of our lifeforce as CREATIVE POWERS and our ability to create ABUNDANCE in our lives. This is a crucial topic, given the general feeling that our economy is on a free fall and we « are not going to have enough ». Now is the moment to take charge and move from survival to abundance. We can do it ! it is possible !